Spacing out is underrated
06 Mar 2012 Leave a Comment
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Tian stares into space...
Sometimes NOT thinking is a great way to figure things out. Just as your muscles need a break after an intense workout, so does your brain! Unceasing rumination can engender ruination. Couch potato away! Find your inner vegetable and “veg” out! Not every moment needs to be filled, though for every second there’s an app, a game, a song, a blog(!), an infomercial, tweets, texts, endless distractions and diversions warding off the dreaded possibility of you having to be alone with your thoughts! As technology fights and fuels the terrible battle against the threat of boredom, in a society where noise is king, it all soon becomes white noise: For, what could ever take the place of solitude? We may all want to be heard, but perhaps what we truly want is to be the one who is listening. If you’re not hearing yourself — you’ll never be satisfied. There’s gold in silence. There’s sustenance, rejuvenation, peace, and happiness.
If you’re quiet it will come. Unplug and space out for awhile. You may find that in your struggle to “get ahead” you were wasting more time than if you had just “wasted” time by allowing yourself to be… silent and still… But always with love: If you haven’t any real love for yourself you’ll only tune out and not in, never face yourself because you can’t stand your own face, and always look for the latest thing because you secretly don’t think your own personal tastes or interests are worthwhile. Your self-loathing will breed insecurity and drive you to become a consumer of pop and/or snob culture. You may become great at it — but you’ll never BE great because you will have denied yourself the opportunity to find out who you truly are… Your one consolation will be that you’re “better” than “others” (which isn’t much because it’s a lie). If we can just “be,” we can move beyond the ordinary and “be” what we already are: extraordinary, unique expressions of God.
Quit wasting time. Quit trying too hard. The best revelations often come when we’re not looking for them. So-called “empty space” is packed with untold belongings — and so are you – the majority of your life exists in this “unseen” realm! Become an expert at relaxing and watch the quality of both your life and productivity sky-rocket and remember: Spacing out is better than stressing out. 
I am here: I am glad.
11 Jan 2012 Leave a Comment
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There I was, in Hawaii.
My brother used to have one statement of philosophy he would repeat, and no other: “Wherever you go, there you are,” courtesy of Yogi Berra. As far as limiting sententious statements, I’m all for it, and I appreciate both his economy and his choice: There are worse and more cliched stand-bys one could use to attempt to sound “deep” or “wise.” The funny thing is, as I become older I see their longevity is because they’re steeped in truth, and the more we become that way, the more meaning these enduring maxims take on, rather, we take on.
Wherever you go, there you are: truly. There’s no escaping what you must face in life: and it’s usually your face and your life. If we would spend more time working on what’s happening within us, instead of pining, whining, bitching or moaning about what’s wrong — we might actually find we’ve nothing left to complain about! People who are always pointing out what’s wrong, heads forever shaking, mouths issuing forth an eternal trail of “tsks,” cannot bear their own infirmities and imperfections. This is why they find it so disturbing when recognizing them in others.
If you’re avoiding and portraying some image of perfection while rotting underneath, the only people who will buy your bluff and ignore the stink, are those who are so deep in “you-know-what” themselves (the bull variety) that they think it’s normal. Let us speak plainly: however common this behavior may be — it’s definitely NOT normal. To sacrifice authenticity for some ersatz consolation prize of an existence is subsistence living at its most pathetic. For, surrounded by material comforts, some people are impoverished beyond their comprehension. Is that ignorant bliss — or is it just ignorance?
But those suffering from this brand of mental affliction will not escape its consequences, either. This is not punishment, but fact. Do not be concerned with justice: it exists — the universe always balances out — and the best part? It’s not your job! Give it up. You’ve surely got much better things to do. (Almost ANYTHING would be better.) The best revenge is living well, so it is said (see? I’m full of ‘em), and that means to be happy. When you’ve got a purpose and you’re at peace, living rich in stimulation with real spirituality — you can’t beat it. I can’t think of a better place to go, be, or become.
In QuamTao there’s a statement that heaven or hell is not necessarily a place, but a condition, where who you are meets the person you could be…
When you get to wherever you’re going, where do you think it’ll be?
And who do you think you’ll meet there? I hope, for your sake, that he or she is kind.
Ho Ho Healthy!
10 Dec 2011 Leave a Comment
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Peace and good tidings to you!
It’s a busy time of year so remember to take care of yourself. Without your health it’s impossible to do anything worthwhile vibrantly or consistently. I have used the analogy of the newborn babe: treat your health as you would an infant that is precious to you. Too often we waste away the currency of good health when we have it in abundance, spending it like a drunkard on a spree. Ignoring warning signs of its decline due to our profligacy, instead we pump up the caffeine, or down the pills to get by and — too late — we’re already in big trouble! The quick and easy fix becomes the long, hard road to recovery.
Americans in particular are in a rush — for what? Whatever it is, it’s second to caring for yourself! How do you treat your body, mind, AND state of being? No matter what you say or think, how you care for your health shows how you really feel about yourself. Emotional hygiene is also telling: If you’re stressed out, angry, fault-finding, rigid, always having to be right — you’re not being good to yourself. Competitive? Jealous? Selfish? Greedy? These are all acts of psychological violence that have, one person at a time, leveled our world and left it in shambles.
Guilt is just a form of inner violence — inner punishment. Addictions can be a way of punishing ourselves and are a destructive act bereft of thoughtfulness and love. To “be in the world and not of it” means, in this instance, to stop participating in the dominant crippling culture of violence. Blame and shame are forms of emotional violence. The point is to GET BETTER — NOT TO PUNISH. Punishment will only lead to worse without support, guidance, and a fervent willingness to improve. The Master said it best: “Neither do I condemn thee: go and sin no more.” (John 8:11)
Are YOU ready to change your inner state to a nurturing one? If so, you’re on your way to healing every area of your life. Begin by forgiving yourself and others, too. Everyone has something to work on… Forget them, concentrate on the changes you want to make, and you won’t have time to judge or compare with anyone else! Lastly, and most vitally, find something that motivates you BEYOND YOUR EGO. Engage in activities that stimulate you, challenge your abilities, and utilize your talents. It should feel something like your purpose — what you were born to do. It’s that consecrated path you may have heard of, but perhaps have stumbled around and have yet to find.
This holiday time could be the inspiring opportunity to devote yourself to the bigger meaning of who you are, it’s manifestation, and it’s contribution to sorrow-laden humanity. When you find it, it will demand the best of you, and you will want to bring your best to it. This will require dynamic health and emotional stability to see it through. Negativity only serves to diminish us and keep us small. You’ll have to give it up by replacing it with standing for something substantive and true. AND, if you are feeling ill or under the weather; it may help to know that sickness is often our greatest teacher – if only to help us be more loving and patient — and to remind us of what’s truly important.
My Dad.
02 Jul 2011 Leave a Comment
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When you have a wonderful father it’s hard to even begin recounting the things he’s done for you, and the impact he’s made on your life. I’ll start by saying my father is larger than life — you always know when he’s entered a room, and is incredibly funny. He loves to eat and torture my mother with good-natured teasing (in equal measure). He never has a bad thing to say about anyone and is a stickler for rules: a model law-abiding citizen. With my father; what you see is what you get. He doesn’t act one way in front of others and then return home to behave differently. He dresses well and flosses his teeth religiously. He is the most responsible person I know. Where to begin?
Without my father, his entire family wouldn’t have come to America — they certainly wouldn’t have been able to thrive here without his generosity and help — let alone survive. He was a leader since he was a child. Of 10 children, he was often given much less attention, or negative attention, but; he decided he would do his best anyway, regardless of how he was treated. As a boy of no more than 5 his innate business ability was first put to use when he started the family store (unbelievable but true!). He hasn’t looked back since.
He went on to become a teacher to students who were practically the same age! He was an extremely popular teacher, to the point of weeping envy from others. (This was not his intention, as he knew what it was like to feel left out.) Fairness is extremely important to him. Above all else he wants people to treat each other fairly and is known for standing up for the little guy, fighting for the underdog, protecting those who might not be able to protect themselves. At the same time, he taught himself the saxophone, coached the basketball team, and worked full time on top of all this!
He met my mother and 5 years later she said, “We’re getting engaged today.” His response? “OK.” She had the opportunity to go to America and he was to follow. Follow he did in in 1969 and without knowing the language(!) he started working and eventually became a leader in his field, an innovator, and a business consultant extraordinaire. Ideas are plentiful to him, so; he handed them out freely and is the source of many a successful enterprise — though often uncredited. He likes it this way — he knows he has a gift and the people with real talent are usually too busy blazing a trail of excellence to be too concerned with small rewards like recognition.
He is a self-made man and generous to the point of shocking. His second most dominant characteristic is his wry and razor-sharp sense of humor. The man is an imp. He has the dark humor of those who have been through much, have seen much; and decided to become more human, more loving, and more kind and decent because of it. He has a zeal for life that is infectious and an ability to create fun that rivals little children. He has on many occasions been the star of the show, making people laugh like crazy and forget their inhibitions (which is not easy for Thais). He makes everyone feel welcome and like a member of the family. Wherever he goes he makes friends: from men to women to children to dogs!
Did you know that Sam, my father, is also quite the sportsman? He’s one of those disgusting people who does so many things well, and golf and tennis are among them. Sure, his tummy gets in the way from time to time, but; youngsters still come up and ask him for tips on swinging a racket or a club. BUT, It wasn’t enough for my mother to date a jock — she loves musicians — and he has an ear to be sure! My father can remember a melody so quickly and retain it in his mind that he’s a veritable walking, humming audio encyclopedia of music. This includes both Western jazz and the entire library of Thai standards. He sings pretty darn’ well, too. Nice baritone, Dad!
Mostly I think of how loving my father is… Of how he drove out of his way into other counties looking for the teddy bear I wanted from, “The Golden Bear”… How he drove me to NYC for school…. TWICE!!! Driving me back and forth into the city for months when I performed in, “The King and I” with Yul Brynner… There are just too many things to list! Like supporting my run in pageants, which kept him alone for long stretches of time so I could borrow Mom during those critical periods in Thailand. I know how much Dad needs Mom and it showed so much love on both their parts that they were willing to be apart just to help me.
I cannot say how special my father is because some things are impossible to convey in words. What can I possibly say about my father who has and continues to help so many of us? He is complex, intelligent, a tremendous person who gave numerous people the opportunity to have great lives. He put faith in us and gave us freedom to express ourselves, to search out what we wanted, to become individuals in a world of cookie-cutter pressure. He had enough confidence to let us make our own mistakes and grow. For this, above everything else: I am most grateful. He trusted me to become the best I can be, and that is the ultimate kind of love. You know what? It worked. It’s still working.
I love you, Dad. Thanks for everything. Happy Birthday!
Take blame… or leave it!
27 Jun 2011 Leave a Comment
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- Familiar, but undiscovered, country…
Trouble at home? So long, contempt! When you open your mind and heart; familiarity can also breed wonder. Why do once charming or distinctive traits of friends or loved ones over time become bugaboos, points of derision along a well-worn path of conflict? Blame blame itself because it’s not merely bad; it forms a dangerous pattern (think snowflake, but psychotic) reminiscent of a horror show. How about firing off a new scenario? Say, self-examination? If great mysteries lie within — great answers do, too — when we journey forth and return with treasures to heal our earthly impediments.
The QuamTao cycle of Home reminds us to treat each relationship as unique, to create a healthily functioning dynamic. If you’re a homeowner; you know something is always in need of repair or improvement: so it is with relationships. Have a mindset of “getting things done”– rather than having to hassle and assign blame first. Identifying what’s going wrong and why are good and necessary, but, completely separate from blame. Skip the emotional wrecking ball! If you take responsibility for your part — Congratulations! Stop there! You’ve got the point — there’s no need to find fault. Give up finger-pointing (or raising?) and increase your happiness manifold — isn’t that what it’s about?
Blame is sly and multifaceted… In most instances it’s a huge distraction. The best option is to get busy with a solution (all else is often a besotted spectacle). As blame tends to be motivated by anger, any satisfaction is usually not (just righteousness of an ugly sort 
). Recall the story of a man rowing his boat one dark and foggy night when; his vessel is suddenly struck, triggering an epic stream of vitriol at the fool in the offending boat. Soon, what hit him drifts into full view: an empty old boat innocently floating upon the water. Seeing there was no one to blame; he quickly calms down and resumes rowing.
I ask you: Was a tirade necessary at all? Is it ever?
Harmful elements abound, but; even if someone does something hurtful to you on purpose — it’s okay to rally and protect yourself, as well as those around you who have not come as far, nor ventured as deeply into their inner reserves of strength! Some interactions are impossible to effect towards the harmonious, if so; get away from/remove that person/situation as best you can. People play the blame game (where nobody wins) but — you don’t have to join in. Why not give it up entirely? Make it persona non grata and don’t let it enter your home/mind! Your equilibrium is paramount: Cherish it enough to expel blame from your home during this QuamTao cycle, and eventually, for always.
Take a 24-hour vacation from blame, judgment, or criticism. See your loved ones with eyes afresh. Forgo assumptions and jumping to your old conclusions. Expect only good things from yourself and those around you; observe and enjoy how it alters your reality for the better.
(Oh, and, BTW, if it’s any help — no one ever gets away with anything. The universe has a way of balancing everything out and we all fall under the category of “everything.” )
